One of my oldest and dearest friends just lost her father. He was sick and she knew it was coming, but still it doesn’t make it any easier. Death can be a really difficult topic for people. I often have clients tell me that they don’t know what to say to people who have lost someone. It can be an uncomfortable discussion and grieving is a very personal journey.
My friend had shared that her husband and her brother had shared the news with several people and she was receiving messages from everyone. Although nice of people to send their condolences, she is a more private person. She wanted to process her father’s death on her own and just needed some space to do so. My question is, why do people have such a hard time letting others grieve the way they want and need?
I lost my grandmother about 3 years ago. We had a special relationship and she was incredibly important to me. I knew she was sick and she did not have long, and I began grieving even before she passed away. After her death, I cried and cried and was just so sad for so long. People did not know how to respond. Many people just said “I am sorry for your loss,” or “She lived a good life.” Other people even made comments such as “well she was old.” I began thinking just because she lived a long life—does that mean I should not be grieving as much or for so long?
While I was talking with my friend, she began saying things such as ‘He was older’ and ‘He is in a better place.’ That may be true. However, I don’t think it matters how old someone is—people should be allowed to grieve the way that feels right for them. We judge people for so much in the society, let us not judge this.
Believe in your power to grow,
Melissa